My 60th

This is my 60th.  Haha no travels, no parties and no eating out!  What a birthday!!!

But for me it is a time that I need to put my face mask but my emotional mask.  I can be in my own comfort.  If I grieve it is natural.  On my 60th I am a mum without her eldest and not even if someone makes me a millionaire, I will still be a bereaved mum.  

Well, the virus killed my birthday plans but made me enjoy my own comfort.  I have participated in the English support groups, usually I can only attend once as I have to travel in the UK.  Now I can meet weekly with my dear friends who help me go through my grief.  They understand me and we can chat without having to put my mask on.  

Some might see me weird, others surprised that I am still bragging but this is me.  Many cannot understand me as time changes circumstances and we move on in life.  Only my friends, bereaved mums like me, know that yes we move on too but we are still bereaved mums.  

So don’t feel sorry for me because I grieve for my son.  It is part of who I am nor push me in trying to overcome my grief as it breaks more my heart not feeling sad that Ian is not physically with me.

This lack of understanding  and not being able to talk about my son makes me prefer the birthday I will be spending on 22nd May 2020.   My only regret is that I will not see my daughter and my dearest sis.

But who does not wear a mask in some way or other.  Yes I regret that I cannot catch up personally with so many loved friends who, even though they do not understand how I really feel, nevertheless support me and encourage to move forward.  

Now, that we are faced with a new norm of social distancing, even though I wish to be alone, I now realize that it is the support of friendship and socializing which kept me move forward.

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