Thoughts and feelings are processed through the individual’s genes, experiences and influences but how these are triggered?
Looking back my intuitions, my fears and my beliefs, since I was a young child, all have evolved around the climax of my life, the point when I lost part of me. For anyone who does not walk in my shoes, this might seem bizarre.
Notwithstanding all this, I am powerless to turn away from destiny but my endeavors are not useless.
It took me a long time to decide upon taking the road to marriage as I used to think that the more people that I will get attached too deeply the more pain I will succumb to. ….But at the end love won.
Oh having my first born, then the strongest of fears began. A normal mum always protects her child so imagine a mum who has strong fears that something really dreadful is going to happen to her first born son. I used to do my very best to protect him, best school, follow my “safe” traditions and customs among family and making available all opportunities for him to enjoy. All that I believed in, betrayed me and in many cases, in what I trusted most.
So, all my fights, dreams, hopes ended on 2nd July when I went to wake up a lifeless body.
Losing your son, a part of you, feels like an amputation and, more so, when your fears and not your dreams come true.
You are left with emptiness and so much failure that it is impossible to bear within you.
Pain and grief I embrace each moment that passes, this is all love.
But for my son, not being able to enjoy his youth, his manhood, his family and friends, not to enjoy life that many times we take for granted, this is unbearable and unchangeable.
