July 2015 – Standing nowhere, my beliefs failed me and my fights all lost, my pain is enormous, an extremity, all around me loving persons trying to soothe my pain but no one, no one can understand. Nobody knew my childhood days when I promised myself to remain alone, my teenage years when I gave in to love nevertheless my fears of parting painfully with a loved one, my motherhood trying to do everything in every way to avoid this pain and here I am, all happening around me.
This is supreme, far beyond me and no one near to understand. Then I remembered meeting mothers like me, fighting for their children, so deep was their love, so sensitive were their feelings and so strong were their beliefs, suffering their pain in silence as many others will judge ignorantly.
I remembered Ian telling me that joining others like me will make me stronger to face the world.
So I started searching facebook groups and found TCF (The Compassionate Friends) – thought that UK would be closest to my culture and upbringing. I sent my request knowing that I could be turned down as I was not English but I started having feelings again as I remembered how grateful I felt when I was accepted!!!
There, I found loving mothers like me who could understand my pain and I theirs. There were mothers same time when my grief started and we helped each other day and night whenever we needed. We shared stories and we shared poems and other ways of expressing our feelings. This made us form our new life. We have become friends nowadays and it’s as if I have always known their children.
Locally, I did join TCF too and I have made friends with other bereaved mums as well. We keep an eye on each other and encourage one another as well.
In fact, we went to the 50th anniversary of TCF in the UK and boy what an experience that was!! We made more friends and attended valuable workshops there. The venue was glowing with our love that weekend.
Yes I am a grieving mother and I am in grief, this is my life now and it is ok, do not feel sorry for me but pray that other kids may enjoy a longer life with their parents.